Knowing how and when to give 'advice'

Voco is all about having conversations about how to get what you want from work. It's about offering insights and reflections based off your own experience, and about supporting others to make the progress they want. The word 'advice' is one we generally like to avoid as it's super directive, but we also know it's sometimes what you're looking for and how you feel you'll make progress together.

So it's important to remember Voco conversations aren't about telling someone what to do or offering up fixed solutions. Career conversations can be a great way of seeing your own skills and achievements in a new light, but it's crucial to make sure that you are focused on supporting the person you're chatting with, rather than on simply validating your experience and your opinions by trying to 'fix' the other person.

Here are our tips on how and when to offer 'advice' because conversations are a two-way street after all!

Don't try and solve other people's problems for them

Voco conversations are all about offering fresh perspectives, learnings from lived experiences, and sounding boards for insights and ideas. They're not about providing absolute answers or telling people what to do. Put simply: don't jump in and try to just solve people's problems for them!

It's better to help them talk through the alternatives and help them conclude the right way forward themselves. Challenge their thinking, validate their decisions, but ideally let them answers their own questions.

One way to do this is to hold off offering any thoughts or reflections until your match has talked through their own ideas for approaching their challenge. Encourage them to generate lots of ideas and to think tangentially about their problem before offering your own perspective. This way, they'll have more ownership of the prospective solution, and will be more likely to solve their problem.

Make rejection easy

If and when you do feel it's right to offer a suggestion or perspective, make your ideas easy to reject so your match doesn't feel like it's your way or the highway. Ask for permission before offering an insight: by asking if it's ok to share your thoughts, you make it clear that you're not telling someone what to do, and instead they can take or leave your advice.

Caveat your own stories and examples with 'This may not work for you, but I found that...'

Share third party thinking and opinions - everything from reading suggestions, podcasts, inspiring TED Talks and the like, so that you're constantly encourage new and varied ideas rather than being dogmatic about giving your view.
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Put yourself in their shoes

Everyone struggles with different things. You may not share the same struggle as your match. But it's good to realise that we are all a product of our circumstances and if those circumstances were changed even in small way, you might find yourself facing the same challenge.

So try and put yourself in their shoes when offering insights and ideas. Don't impose your own world view or context on to their lived experience, instead be empathetic first and foremost, and make sure you have heard - and understood - their full story before offering your perspective.

Avoid the 'subtle brag'

We've all heard about 'humble brags' right? When someone says something self-deprecating or 'humble' when their real intention is to draw attention to something they're proud of?

Well a 'subtle brag' is similar - and it's pretty easy to let them slip into conversations about your career. For example, when you're talking about an experience you've had at work, you might subtly underline how senior you are by talking about the size or your team or budget, when it's not really relevant to the point you're making; or you might overstate what you did on a project to highlight how accomplished you already are.

Subtle bragging may make the other person feel inadequate or like they don't deserve to be in the conversation, so it's important to watch out for it.

Being asked for your advice and insights can feel great, and that's part of the point of Voco: to build your confidence and to let you see your achievements in a new light through the reflections of others. But there's a delicate balance to find here - your aim is to provide genuine, empathetic support to your match, not to subtly highlight your own achievements.

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